


Willfully Blind

by petite-neko (petiteneko)



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-06 22:34:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1112314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petiteneko/pseuds/petite-neko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kafei knew. He wasn’t dumb. He figured it out. But he couldn’t back away. Not now. Because he also knew what would happen if he stepped away. And he’s broken one heart already.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Observations

**Author's Note:**

> I warn you right now, this is severely angsty. This is an old idea that has... stuck in my head for awhile was was reawakened from another fanfiction I'm working on.
> 
> If you do not want your heart back, continue reading.
> 
> Note: .xxx. is a change in perspectives. (There is ones of the present, and ones of the past… of the future and of the present if you wanna go the other way) and a .+++. is a change in scene/time (as in a few hours/days later, etc. not years)

Observations

_Whenever Link told him he loved him, he was lying._

_Kafei knew that, not from the way he said it, or how he said it, because Link didn’t show any of the signs._

_Link didn’t look away, his voice didn’t waver. No he looked straight into his eyes, and said the words confidently._

_Only his eyes._

_Those sky blue eyes never wandered his body. They never took in his face._

_The only thing Link ever looked at was his eyes._

.xxx.

He didn’t notice it at first. Perhaps he was blinded by love. Blinded by hope.

When he was stuck in his child body, he and Anju needed to break it off. He wouldn’t make her wait for him. He wouldn’t let her love a child for years and years when she could be happy elsewhere. He loved her too much for that.

And besides, it would destroy the relationship with her and her mother – he knew she didn’t approve of their relationship already.

It broke his heart, but they needed to break it off. It was for the best.

Once he recovered, he came to a disheartening realization.

Who would love him when he was mentally much older than them? An adult in a child’s body.

When all of his peers knew him as the future mayor. As the grown man they had respected and feared.

When he felt so old amongst those who were supposed to be his own age.

And yet, Link was always there, by his side.

Not to mention there was just this something about him. Link wasn’t like other kids his age. Link was different. That is what his eyes told him.

Sometimes, when he turned and caught a glimpse of the boy in green, it was not a boy he saw, but a grown man and a sword at his back. A warrior.

Sometimes, if he looked hard enough, he could see the worn expressions the older guards had in their eyes.

And sometimes, when Link wasn’t paying attention, he couldn’t see anything at all. As if he was looking into the eyes of a corpse.

Of course, Kafei never told him any of this. And Link never talked to him about Anju. It was a silent agreement. They didn’t pry into each other’s pasts. It may have made them who they were now, but they didn’t need to talk about it.

Another thing Kafei had come to realize is that something, or _someone_ had stopped the moon from crashing into the land, and the more and more he talked with people and got to know Link, he came to a conclusion.

If it weren’t for Link, they would all be dead now.

A silent hero, but he figured that Link preferred it that way.

He wondered if Link did anything for himself… He supposed he would need to keep a closer eye on him.

.+++.

His results were discerning. Never, did he ever see Link wanting something. The way he acted, the way he spoke…. It was so neutral. So… mechanical.

“Hey Link?” Kafei asked one night as they sat on the ledge of one of the buildings.

“Yeah?”

_Why does he always look so deeply into my eyes?_ Kafei wondered.

“Do you have any friends?”

There was a laughter – but something was off with it. “What else would you call you?” His eyes were closed now.

“Well _other_ than me.” Kafei joined in the laughter a bit awkwardly. “Anybody else?”

“Well…” He snickered and kicked his legs a bit faster, his hands now between his thighs. “I guess I have a few but I doubt you’d approve of them~”

“Oh come on now! Why wouldn’t I?” Kafei challenged him, getting lost now because Link’s words and actions seemed to be genuine.

“Oh ‘cause you don’t remember him fondly. Although it really isn’t the real him that you remember.”

Kafei crossed his arms and raised a brow. “Oh, try me.”

Link now looked up at the sky with a gentle smile on his face. “…The Skull Kid. He was possessed by the mask he wore and he did all those bad things. It wasn’t his fault… but he and his fairies… they are from the same place I’m from. And it’s nice to talk about those things with people who actually know what I’m talking about…”

Well Link was right when he said he wouldn’t approve, and he tried to interrupt at first, but he let Link continue. He sighed. He didn’t know if he could yet forgive the Skull Kid… for if it weren’t for him, he’d be with Anju and they’d be running the inn together…

Yet Link’s sadness brought him out of his own woes, and… why did it hurt to hear it? He reached out and squeezed Link’s shoulder. “We all need somebody like that.”

He understood, because he had Cremia to talk about his past with. She understood.

Just like the Skull Kid understood Link.

“While I may not understand, I am here for you Link. That’s what friends are for right?”

Link smiled, placed his own hand on top of his, and nodded.

And their eyes met again.

“Ah, Thank you.”

.xxx.

_And whenever they made love, Link’s eyes never opened…._


	2. Needs

Needs

_Sometimes it was hard to ignore the slip ups Link did._

_Sometimes he had to step out for a moment._

_And sometimes he just wanted to give up._

_But then he would remember that expression when he pried too deeply._

_And he knew if he gave up, that face would haunt his memories for the rest of his days._

.xxx.

While Link never did take up his offer, Kafei was not surprised.

Link did not do things for himself.

He always did things for others, but when others offered to do things for him he declined politely, and soon people stopped offering. Because they knew better. Some did jokingly comment on it, saying they would offer to do something but they knew the answer anyway. Perhaps it was still their way to offer and yet not be declined. To let Link know that they cared. That the offer was still there.

But Kafei knew he need not offer again. Link knew that he was there. For whenever Link needed him, he was there.

He did think it was odd that Link never asked for things, that Link never used the words “want” or “need” when it came to himself.

What person didn’t want anything?

What person didn’t _need_ anything?

Nobody else noticed such things (although Kafei never did bring the exact topic up either. Sure, he sometimes brought Link into a conversation of wants, but everybody just shrugged it off. “Link’s more selfless than selfish.” They reasoned.

But they also didn’t see what he sees.

They don’t see the sadness that he _knows_ is real. They don’t see the smiles that he _knows_ are feigned.

They don’t see the emptiness hidden on the inside.

They don’t want to see.

They were just children.

They _couldn’t_ see.

.+++.

No matter how hard he tried, Kafei could never figure out whether or not Link really needed or wanted anything. For gifts were given back with a shake of a head and a statement of that it was not necessary.

Which was a truth.

As if Link knew exactly how to avoid his gaze.

Even if he kept searching for it.

Some days it was a game, and others Link didn’t even put an effort into it.

Where Kafei would hide his eyes somehow, and Link struggle to keep their gazes locked.

Or he’d just close his eyes and not try.

He liked the good days. He liked seeing Link laugh. He liked seeing Link smile and giggle.

It made him laugh, it made him giggle. It made him smile. It made him happy…

He didn’t like seeing that coldness in Link’s eyes.

It made him cold inside.

.+++.

It was winter, and once again they were playing that stupid, silly game that they enjoyed.

But something was different. The way Link froze when he moved a certain way. Worried, Kafei moved the hair away from his eye and leaned in, pulling down his scarf. “Link? Are you alright?”

Those blue eyes closed and Link took a few breaths. “Y-Yeah… I’m fine.”

He sighed and placed his hand on Link’s shoulder. “You certain you don’t want anything to help?”

A lower lip was bitten and nibbled on, as if the blond-haired teen was contemplating something.

“Actually…” He started – and Kafei waited. Finally! Something Link wanted! “There… is something I _do_ want…” He leaned in a little bit towards his friend.

“Wha—“ Kafei didn’t even have the chance to ask.

Link kissed him.

.xxx.

_“I need you.”_

_And so would those words._


	3. Wants

Wants

_Link was the ideal partner… too ideal._

_Anything he wanted, Link got or did._

_The spontaneous gifts were always too good to be true._

_Link spoiled him._

_But anytime he tried to spoiled Link, the other only said:_

_“Just stay with me. That’s the only thing I desire.”_

_And Kafei was beginning to realize just what Link meant…_

_And he didn’t like where it was going._

.xxx.

The kiss had shocked him.

Completely and utterly, and before he could even fathom a _reply_ , Link had disappeared and he thought he heard the faint sound of wings moments later.

Kafei was not a sheltered person, so it hadn’t shocked him that a male kissed another male. He had heard of such relationships before, and it didn’t bother him.

What had shocked him, is that it was _Link_ of all people.

The one who wanted nothing. The one who needed not. And to suddenly come out in the blue and kiss him?

He was just too much in shock to even feel anything.

.+++.

Over the next few days, Link had not shown up. And while Kafei was concerned, he wasn’t particularly worried. He knew Link could take care of himself.

He _did_ miss his presence however.

He missed seeing that shade of green around the town, and beside him. He missed their ridiculous game.

He missed Link.

The one person he could actually talk with on an equal level.

But he did notice that a strange Zora had come into town. People were saying it was Mikau.

But that wasn’t him. Kafei knew the Zora guitarist. And he didn’t wear green skirts. He needed to investigate.

“Y-Young Master! You cannot enter the bar!”

“Relax Bar Tender. I am only here to ask my good friend Mikau a question. I will not drink. I _know_ the law. And I’ve already seen people drinking before, so you cannot shield my eyes from that. I was of age once before.” And with that, he pushed his way on through, leaning against a wall, waiting for a time to approach his friend. Or the person taking up the façade of his friend.

When the opportunity came along, he quickly seized it. “It’s been awhile, has it not, Mikau?”

“Kafei!”

“How is your family coming along? How old would they be now? Four? Five?”

“Ya man.” That voice was so nervous. And why was he avoiding looking at him. “They’ve got music in their veins. Ya shoulda seen ‘em when dey hatched!”

”Quit the act. Who are you.” He demanded and placed an arm on one side of him. “And where is the _real_ Mikau? It has been years and I know that fatherhood would not have kept him from contacting his close friends. Not to mention that I heard shortly after the trouble with the moon that the Indigo-Go’s had disbanded.”

“You were… shit.” A sigh escaped the impostor before he held his wrist and took him out of the Milk Bar, and took him to the North end of town.

“Mikau’s… he’s dead.” The words came out once his arm was let go. “He died trying to save his children.”

“Wh-What?” Kafei had to shake his head. His friend – _dead?_ “No… he can’t be.”

But they were telling the truth.

They both knew that.

There was a moment for Kafei to absorb the information before the other lifted his hands and something _magical_ happened.

Where the Zora once stood, Link was in their place, a mask in his hands.

“This is what he left behind.”

“L-Link!”

“I am sorry Kafei… if I knew he was your friend, I would have never worn his mask.”

“Why did you even feel the need to wear a mask at all!” He exclaimed, lifting up his winter hat and ran his hand through his hair. “I wondered where you had went.”

“Y-You’re not angry?”

Kafei sighed and shook his head. “The _only_ thing I am upset about that you did is that you impersonated my friend.” His eyes fell and he sighed again. Mikau was dead. And he didn’t know until now…

“But you like girls, and I _knew_ that and I still…”

He was ready to groan again, but he saw how _scared_ and _guilt-ridden_ Link looked, and he remembered what Link had said.

_There… is something I **do** want…_

His expression fell and he embraced Link. “Oh Link, it is _alright_ to want something. Wanting something is something that keeps you alive. Wanting is completely natural.” He lifted up Link’s face to look into his eyes, and he could see it. That spark of life and desire that he had been looking for this entire time.

And for the first time in a long time, he felt his chest swell with emotion.

“And I think I might want it too.”

.xxx.

_But he wanted to hope otherwise._


	4. Vitality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, by the way, the italicized portions at the top and bottom are not, in any way, in chronological order. Some come earlier than others and some much later than others. (Although the ones in each chapter are connected with each other. But chapter two's italics is not necessarily after chapter one's italics, etc.)
> 
> Hnn... have fun reading. This chapter hurt like three times ;;

Vitality

_It got to the point that he preferred making love in the dark._

_It got to the point where he couldn’t look Link in the eyes._

_It got to the point where he couldn’t even tell Link._

_Because in giving Link life again…_

_Maybe he lost his own in the end._

.xxx.

Things started slowly. Kafei wasn’t too certain about his feelings. And he wanted to be careful. He didn’t want to screw this up.

He couldn’t screw this up.

For once, Link wanted something. For once, Link had that spark of life in him. He had hope.

And Kafei couldn’t take it away.

They held hands, they sat closer.

And much to his relief, he had begun to feel that feeling he thought he would have lost forever – love.

(It was a bit strange, because he never thought that he liked males in that light, but maybe growing up again opened up his mind, Maybe it was because he and Anju were convinced to marry each other since they were little. Or maybe it was just Link. Whatever it was… it worked.)

Now, he wouldn’t go outright and say he loved Link. No, it was just an inkling of the feeling. It was just the start. A simple crush. A liking.

And sometimes his dreams at night entailed a certain blond man, instead of a brunette woman now out of his reach.

But part of that was puberty.

(He did wonder though, did Link have dreams like that? Was he the one in Link’s puberty-induced dreams if he indeed had those? Did he dream of violet-coloured locks and red, red eyes?)

(He hoped so.)

They moved on to a kiss here and there, grinning like idiots afterwards before going in for another, acting like fools.

Fools they may be, they were fools in love.

.+++.

They were relaxing near the entrance to the beach, watching the sun set above the waves.

“I’m glad you stayed in Termina Link.” He said with a happy sigh, leaning against the other’s shoulder. “I’ve gained a great friend... and a boyfriend.” It was still weird using that term, but he was getting used to it.

Link had been quiet for a few moments, his arm wrapping around his waist before he replied. “I’m glad too.”

“To be honest... for the longest time I couldn’t get Anju out of my mind… my dreams. I did not think I would ever. I did not think I would ever fall in love again. Everybody I knew as a child was now my age… and it frankly creeped me out. But you… you were different. There’s just this something about you.” He laughed.

But Link didn’t. Why did he fall so quiet? Why did he turn his head away.

“A broken heart _is_ hard to heal.” Kafei wondered why it seemed like Link was telling the truth. He wondered why he smiled so sadly.

Link was a child too, wasn’t he?

_So why did those words sound so heart-felt?_

Before Kafei could ask, Link stood up, mentioning something about getting back before nightfall, and walked off to town.

“Link!” He called after him.

But he wouldn’t answer.

.xxx.

_Maybe he should have paid more attention._

_Maybe he should have looked for the signs._

_Because he could see them clearly now._

_But by now, he was too numb to care._


	5. Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Sorry about the pause. I guess I forgot to update this here))

_Things aren't always this hard._

_There was a time of happiness._

_But now the only happiness was a delusion._

_A delusion involving dark glasses. Convincing himself that this was the truth. Ignoring the blatant lies he didn't even need his eyes to see._

_Because he wanted to believe "I love you" was the truth._

_Because it was the only thing keeping him sane._

.xxx.

Link had distanced himself again. He knew it was something he had said but he didn't know what. And even though he wanted to, he wouldn't pry.

Because Link was just getting used to wanting things.

He couldn't push his luck. He couldn't push Link away. He couldn't see those dead eyes again.

He did try to apologize but Link only smiled that sad smile. He didn't talk however and Kafei was a little relieved - because he didn't know what he preferred - it being his fault or it being Link's. 

It was better that way.

.+++.

Eventually Link started warming up to him again, although he was cautious, careful, as if seeing if he'd accept him.

Kafei welcome to the attention happily, but not too vigorously. He knew something was bothering Link, and he just _couldn't_ act like everything was fine. 

He tried encouraging Link it only got so far.

He was worried, yes. He was concerned. He _wanted_ to help, but he knew not how.

But he had to do something.

He wanted Link to want again.

.+++.

"Link... are you happy?"

After contemplating for days on what to say, this was the only way he could think of that would work.

"Kafei?" Link had blinked at the sudden question, lifting his head up from Kafei's shoulder.

"I'm worried because I haven't seen you smiling much when we are together. I haven't heard your laughter in weeks..."

There was silence as Link pondered. The wait was agonizing and worry filled him - and it wasn't only for Link. Part of him feared that maybe, just maybe, Link wasn't happy with him. He doubted his own abilities to keep the one he cared for happy.

"Kafei... You've given up so much and I haven't given up anything... for you." Link paused. "You could have anybody and yet you chose me. And with me we can't have children. Who will be mayor after you?"

It seemed so heavy - those words - even if it were a simple and foolish worry. But, he reasoned, he was probably Link's first relationship, so such worries were always over weighed.

"Link... such things you do not have to worry about. It is you who my heart had decided on. You and your quiet, cryptic ways. I like seeing your smiles - the _true_ honest ones - you only show me. I want to show you happiness, wants, laughter. I care about you, and I want you to have these things. To know what it feels like to be _alive_. I don't care about children. I _want_ you."

He didn't know Link could kiss so passionately...

"You can have me."

.xxx.

_He always fell for it when those glasses were removed and the sheer passion Link gave him on those nights._

_But he always regretted it in the morning._


	6. Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, there are some sex/sex-related scenes in here. Just a warning.

_Some nights, it haunted him._

_The days where Link had not returned home at his usual time. The times where he left a bit too early._

_That way he called out whenever he finished during their more intimate times…_

_He was afraid._

.xxx.

It was really not how he had envisioned it. Perhaps he was a romantic, an idealist. But whatever vision he had, it definitely wasn’t this.

An impassioned fumbling. Giggles and laughter at stupid mistakes. Groans at snagged clothing.

And that _need!_

So wanton. So hungry. Thirsty. That lust that only continued to build.

That intensity in his blue eyes as their eyes locked.

They were both overcome with emotion that things moved so quickly.

But he wouldn’t give it up for the world.

Because Link truly wanted something, he _needed_ something.

And that something was him.

.+++.

Things were calm after that, and Link had clung to him quite a bit.

And that smile on his face!

He still remembered what Link had whispered into his ear.

_Of course I’m happy._

And it filled him with happiness. Making Link happy… it was what he cared about.

.+++.

Their passionate moments were hard to come by at times. While, yes, his parents had accepted their relationship, it was rather awkward to do such activities at home. Especially considering that Link had started living with him and his family… They always had to sneak away somewhere. (Typically the room he had stayed in when he was first cursed)

It wasn’t as if they weren’t allowed, or that it would be frowned upon (they were old enough) – but Kafei did have respect.

But he enjoyed it when they did. It was like he had opened up a side he had never seen of Link before. That he had unleashed all of the desires Link had locked away.

Link was always so very clingy, he begged and pleaded. Needy. Greedy.

He was so alive.

And Kafei loved that.

.xxx.

His eyes were clenched shut in the passion he gave him. He clung to him at a particular stroke.

He would cry out wordlessly. Plead. Beg.

Of course, he never did _make_ the other beg. He just did. Perhaps it was because he had held it inside of him for so long, that he had suppressed it and now it was overflowing.

He just wanted. More. And More. And Kafei was happy to oblige.

While he noticed that Link’s eyes never opened, he knew that he was just overwhelmed with everything.

And that whimper Link had just made as he brushed past that spot…

While part of him was tempted to tease Link – not yet. Perhaps later on when he was more accustomed to wanting and needing. He didn’t want to take a step back when they had come so far together. So he pushed his body to target the spot that made Link all but scream.

He leaned in close when he felt that they were getting close and he whispered. “Can you open your eyes?”

And that expression in those blue eyes might have blown him away…

If it weren’t for.

“ _Sheik…_ ”

.xxx.

_But a part of him was relieved as well._


	7. Lies

_He never asked Link to do things he normally didn’t again._

_If he didn’t do anything, there was a reason._

_And, he’d rather it stay suppressed._

.xxx.

Link didn’t notice. He didn’t realize.

When he pulled out of him, he was clung to.

He. Didn’t. Notice.

Link probably thought he had finished (which was _far_ from the truth) and had wanted cuddles.

He honestly wished that today, he had not cared for formalities or respect. That they were at home so he could excuse himself for a bath. _Anything_ to get out of here.

His mind was spinning. He couldn’t think. Part of him wanted to slap him, punch him, do _something_ for him to realize just what he had done.

(He didn’t know what was worse: That Link didn’t know what he had said, or that Link knew what he said and was pretending to not know.)

He didn’t understand. He _couldn’t_ understand.

And yet, there was part of him that _knew_ that if he spoke up, if he pointed things out, if he reacted in any way negative, it would ruin everything. Link would no longer want. He would go back to being lifeless. He would… become worse since their friendship would be no longer. His heart would break.

Just like Anju’s.

He still could see the expression on her face, and it still hurt after so many years.

He didn’t think he could stand to see Link’s face like that.

So he smiled. The lie tasted bitter.

.+++.

For the rest of the day and the day after, Kafei retreated to Romani Ranch. It hurt. It hurt so much as he tried to think of reasons why. As he tried to understand just what happened.

“Cremia…?”

His best friend looked over at him, the worry in her eyes. He knew she was worried but she didn’t push. He had just come here, a bag in his arms, and had asked if he could stay here for a little while.

The reason he came here, was that Link tended to avoid this place.

“…Why does Link never come here?”

She hummed and placed her hand under her chin. “He mentioned something about it reminding him of his past. Apparently, my sister and I resemble people he once knew.”

Kafei winced. Her words were like a cold dagger to his heart.

_Is that why he always looks at my eyes?_

“I had a sense that he wanted to forget his past. That something horrible had happened.”

_Is that how he knew how to avoid my truth-reading?_

His chest felt heavier and heavier.

And yet, he kept seeing that guilt-ridden expression on Link’s face, remembered that lifelessness in his eyes, imagined seeing his very being break.

That light fading from his eyes.

He couldn’t. He _couldn’t_.

He had to live a lie. He had to _be_ a lie.

He owed him.

He just wished he didn’t have to know.

.+++.

Every step hurt. Every lie throbbed in his mind. His body felt like ice.

He excused his absence by saying he wanted to talk with Cremia, and he knew that Link didn’t like going, so he didn’t tell him.

He forced himself to not wince at every lie that came from his mouth.

.+++.

Some days were good, some days were bad. Of course, Link had questioned him on the bad days, but he’d push him away, and say he didn’t want to talk about it. That it wasn’t Link’s concern. And sometimes they’d fight, because Kafei refused to talk about it. Kafei usually initiated those.

To be honest, the outlet was a bit relieving.

And eventually, he started to make excuses. He would volunteer for jobs to ease the pressure off of his father. He would take up more responsibility.

And he would tell Link that his father needed to rest, and the pressure of the extra responsibilities sometimes got to him.

He didn’t want Link to know it was his fault.

He didn’t want Link to know he knew this was all a lie.

He didn’t want Link to know the acid that burned in his veins when he said ‘I love you.’

He didn’t want Link to know that, right now, he hated him.

.xxx.

_He’d rather forget he was second-best._

_If that is what it is even called._


End file.
